Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Life and Death

Good news and bad news. 

We embraced the positive news because it is a gift from God. A gift of life. We found out last June. Yes, yes, yes... I'm pregnant! Families and close friends were informed last July. It took awhile for us to announce it in public. 

First trimester was very hard for me. I experienced nausea nth times a day. I tried my best not to vomit and was kinda successful. I slept all the time and I didn't have the chance to clean the house. Thanks to a wonderful husband and he did everything for me. Of course, food was a problem too. I prefer water all the time because coloured drinks makes me nauseous. I hate junk food and fast foods. I have been fed with soups, bread and rice. I know, Baby D is very choosy... and healthy. Worst part is I can't hold needle and threads. All my projects are left unfinished. 

Second trimester made some changes on my lifestyle too. All because of hormones raging and rising I can see changes on my body and skin. Though my extremities are still slim, baby bump is getting bigger and more visible. I need new uniforms for work. I look like someone who swallowed a soccer ball. Ugh! Still, Mr. D thinks I am the most beautiful and sexiest woman in the world. Ha! 

22 weeks now and I am doing good. Thank God. Baby D started kicking last week. It was soft but it was amazing. My Obstetrician considers me a high risk patient because of my age and because of the miscarriage I had last February. Right now, everything is perfect and normal. Such glory! 

We mourned the negative news even if it was expected. I am still grieving because I was not there. I can not fly because of my pregnancy. 

Last Thursday, my brother e-mailed me and asked me to call my father ASAP. He said the time has come. I called and talked to my terminally ill father for the last time. It was an hour of crying, forgiving, loving, and reminiscing. I promised him that my brothers and I will continue to love and help each other. And that I will stay strong and brave on making decisions as his eldest child. He taught us to live by the rules and respect. And he taught us to honour and love our spouses and raise our children. He wanted to hear all of these before he left us. Then I realized he was waiting for my caring words to bid him goodbye. I instructed him to do this..... "Papa please close your eyes now and try to think of beautiful things. Think of me, my brothers, Mama.... think of those beautiful times of your life, of our lives together as a family... when we were still babies, toddlers, kids.... and please do not forget that we all love you so much. Please do not fight the pain. It will go away soon. Just follow the light. I love you so much."

He closed his eyes after my call. He slept and never woke up. The man who brought me into this world has left early and ready because he knew he did a damn good job raising his children. We finished college and got our degrees. We have great spouses and a family of our own. He may have been a disciplinarian but it taught us life, success and values. 

I have reached my goals in life because of his beliefs on me. And I won't stop making him proud. I love you so much Papang. We know you are in a much happier place now.