Don’t Walk Away

Hey, Lei! Meet up at food court tonight? Please… Your pretty BFF need to vent and you know the best food to eat. I need to taste something delicious today. I am tired from my first night at work. It was a quiet night but it felt like something was dragging my feet. I haven’t slept yet so I can wait for you. Stop dallying because I know it takes you hours to get ready. Mind you I still need to come back tonight for my patients. So hurry!

Snap! I am getting sleepy now. Where are you? Are you still asleep? It must be nice up there. It must be peaceful and bright. Don’t you want to see some tinge of orange and grey too? Well maybe when you’re looking down. Have you seen some familiar faces up there? Aside from you does anyone else knew me? There were a lot of hearts that echoed on my stethoscope. You know I don’t remember names because only their faces matter to me. Blah! I don’t remember their numbers either but I can write books from their colorful stories. Geez! I know I need to stop ranting. But please don’t make me stop because talking about others brings me back to reality. You pointed out that I carry my heart on my sleeve. I know I am all out but I can’t help it. Please come and help me again. 

Lei, this time I don’t think I can come out of this. I’m sorry but I failed you. I gave my all again and I think there’s not much left for the little pretty girl like me. How can I use the theories in psychology to teach T not to follow my path? Oh yeah, my little princess T. I guess you’re not joining me today. I badly need a nap now. T wakes me up on time. 

Lei, please don’t walk away. I am falling down. I miss you. 

I will miss you M.

I hugged T when I got home from work. I tried to be selfish this once and claim her as mine because I do not want to feel the same pain I am feeling right now. I hate this pain in my heart. I hate missing that moment telling someone that I loved her and that I was so thankful to be a part of her life. Why did I miss that? Why didn't I tell her that I looked up to her? Why didn't I tell her that I want to learn more from her? 

I have always been emotionally strong. This time I feel like I am at the losing end. Last night was the saddest working night.... I miss her. I miss my mentor. I miss a friend. 

How can I make you proud of me M? I told you I am worried about failing. What if I fail? You told me I am positive, I listen, I am smart, and that I am great. Those were the last inspiring words you told me. It made me feel so important and so humble. So important because you are always straight-forward. You rarely smile at work because you are a perfectionist. You are always "by the book". You do not condone favoritism. You know all our individual strengths and weaknesses. I will not forget those times when you get so stressed out and you slammed the desk.... then you pick up the phone and spoke unfaltering professionalism. Just amazing. So humble because there is no pretense. Though you showed me the choices I have on how to earn more in this competitive world, I felt your passion and willingness to take care of the sick and the living. You resolutely said, " I do not care who you are or where you came from. We are equals." 

The moment you saw me you called my name and I gave you a hug. It was our last night working together. If only I have known... I would have taken a picture of us together; I would have bugged you the whole night with my hows and whys; I would have hugged you tightly; I would have shown you my family pictures; I would have introduced you to T; I would have cooked you dinner; I would have told you that you inspire me to be better; I would have cried with you; I should have told you that I love you M.

I do not have a lot of memories to cherish with you but those rare times we were together..... are treasured. That last night was so far the best night. You were full of laughter and advises. I think I finally understood. I can still see your bright eyes watching the love around you. I know you loved us and we all missed you. 

I am sorry I cannot even give you my warmest goodbye. It is breaking my heart. But I understand.... you want to be remembered that night. Watch over us M. I love you.

If I could be where you are now...

Happy Finishes

Summer is almost over. School starts soon. But, guess what? I have finished a lot of cross stitch projects. And now I am ready to show them off all to you. It feels good to have some accomplishments done. 

I stitched this "apple" last May for T's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Smith. It was for "Teacher's day" and she loves her so much. She looks up to her. Thanks to Mrs. Smith and her school days were a fun learning experience. 

To make it personal, T wrote a little thank you note on the back of the canvas. I found the cross stitch pattern from an old "Cross Stitcher" magazine. It was a quick and fun stitch.

This other piece took time to stitch but the outcome made me so happy. I found the pattern from The World of Cross Stitching magazine. It was not a sampler but a big floral project. I simply added "Lilyana's" name to make it personal. I chose this project because our little Lily needs some of her namesake flowers inside her nursery. A permanent one at this. I used a dyed evenweave linen and DMC threads. 

I picked a beautiful gold frame to go with the piece. I framed it myself. It was a birthday gift for her 1st birthday. She is an added princess in my list. I am so glad my friend loves it. 

This charming piece is called "Animal ABC". I found the pattern from Margaret Sherry book. I used an evenweave linen and DMC threads. I started this piece when T started kindergarten. It was an on and off stitching process. I finished it this summer. It was supposed to be a graduation present for T. She knows about the project. The fun part was, she was checking on my progress by asking me what letter I am on that day. My little one loves every animals. To stitch it into a letter makes it a fun learning experience for her. 

I haven't framed it yet. Once it is framed, she wants it hanged in her bedroom. 

I found the pattern from this book. We will miss Margaret Sherry. She was a great artist. And her patterns make stitching so much fun. They released another book of her and I cannot wait to have it. 

Thank you Teacher!

Last May 25th, T ended her preschool years. She has been in Preschool 101 for two years. We both fell in love 😍 with the place because it was clean, safe, and fun. The owner and teacher, Ms. Jennifer, was awesome and practical. I love her innovative ways on taking care of these young, free-spirited minds. On the first week, T came home with bundles of craftwork. She told me then that she loves school. Ever since, for two years (even summer), she has been in that red building. Yes, she calls it her red school. How appropriate. T learned how to write her full name. She cannot read yet but she knows her colors, letters, shapes, and numbers (1 to 20). We are so proud of our T. 

To honor her teachers, I stitched two cross stitch projects. The finished pieces were very simple. The first one is a sampler. I love what it said. It only took me two days to finish it. Then I stick it on a cardboard. The cardboard has a string glued at the back so it can be hanged. T colored a wooden accessory, letter J, that I bought from WalMart. She enjoyed coloring it. Then I asked her to sign her name on a piece of paper. I pasted it on the cardboard with the cross stitch piece. I used a tiny wooden clip to clip it on the board. I think it look adorable. I just hope Ms. Jennifer likes it. 

The second cross stitch piece is very simple. It is a bunch of lilies with a thank you note. I picked this sweet work because the other teacher recipient is a young woman who is as sweet as can be. T loves her dearly. She looks up to her too. Ms. Jenna is a sweetheart. I hope she likes the gift too. I framed it and glued a little bird 🐦 that T colored. It is also a wooden accessory. 

T is moving up in August. And she is very excited. She already loves her “big school”. 

Raindrops keep falling on my head

A lot has happened in three years. T is a big girl (she claims). She will start kindergarten in three weeks. Yes, she is excited. I am not. I am scared. It’s not the feeling of protectiveness. It’s the fear that she will learn new things on her own. She will hear words that were not spoken in our own little world. She will meet new friends who would make her feel important or unworthy enough. She will have new teachers who would mold her foundation on education. I won’t be there. 

I confess I haven’t talk to God lately. I haven’t confided with Lord Jesus lately either. Sometimes I blame myself for everything that has been happening in our lives. After reading a social media post of a friend about the renewal of faith with God, I opted to write on my dear old blog. Then I will pray. Writing is my therepy. I cry easily when I watch a movie or read a good book or articles. I also cry easily when I hear sobbing stories from people. But I do not cry when I am down or sad. I do not cry when someone dear to me (a patient) will die right in front of me. I do cry a lot when I write. That is why it is my means of therapy. It is not pride. This is just how I cope. Even when my husband and I would fight, he would cry while I remain stoic. I know I have a heart because I do love a lot of people and animals. I even love things such as my old pens or old tablet. I put every little in my life a meaning. It is not being sensitive, it is just how I love. When friends pour out their emotions to me, I tend to share my life stories and struggles in love and life. Then before I close my eyes to sleep, I cry because I am thankful that I survived and I am blessed after all. When T was born, she has been my second happy pill. If I do not have the time alone to write, I just hug her tight then I feel better. She is a very sweet girl. She always tells us that she loves us. She loves to lead the prayer. She reminds us that it is time to pray. She thinks that praying is about reporting to God the activities of her daily life. She sounded so innocent and we love listening to her pray. 

It has been rough for us these past months. I miss my husband so much but I know he will be back home soon. I will start singing again on September. I do not want to publicize our problems because I know other people has their own struggles. Some people wants to keep the positive air around. I am one of those people, that is why I try to be happy. I also try to be happy for T. I do not want her to see anxiety and fear in my eyes or listen to my qualms or miseries. Life is not perfect but I want to try to show her that happiness always wins. Everyday she will ask me if I am happy with her. I keep those words in my heart. Those words keep me going. She is my little Monster drink. 

I have been back in college since last year. On my second year, I will be back on nursing books. It is hard. I have been juggling a full-time job, raising a 5-year-old, and studying. Of course, I have to pay the bills. Just this morning I have two phone calls that need money attention. Worst, my car warranty ran out. Think, think, think. Smile, smile, smile. Then pray, pray, pray. I am sure God will renew my spirit. I am sure the rainbows 🌈 will come out soon.

Angels have been around. I am so thankful for them. 

Bestfriends

One of the best decisions my husband and I made for Lil Terra is to adopt a kitten for her. I named her Bella.

Bella's mother is a stray cat that got adopted by my kind-hearted co-worker. She said she found her outside her backyard and felt sorry for her because she was pregnant. Then came the kittens. And we gave Bella a home and a family. She's almost done on her kitten-series vaccination. Just one more shot left and then she can be considered a wellness kitten. And my there's a lot of privileges to be on a Wellness program. I appreciate the care she gets at Animal Hospital of Denison. 

Bella and Terra have a love and hate relationship. I will hear a pain-induced meow then a loud cry from a toddler. She either hits her with a toy or steps on her intentionally because she thinks Bella understands the Game. Then she gets a scratch from a feisty playmate. After time-out they resume the usual relationship. It scared me at first when Terra treats Bella like that but friends would tell us same stories of their kids and pets. "Is it normal? Will she be a serial killer?", are some of my fears. 

After 2 months, I look at it as norm inside our household. 

Bella is her constant companion in the house especially when her parents are busy. They watch movies together. And play nonstop. When Terra comes home from her GG they will hug each other like they haven't seen each other for weeks. And yes they give kisses too. 

I guess Bella is my daughter's first bestfriend. 

AlDub Fever!

Back home in the Philippines I grew up loving TV because of my family. Every meal time except breakfast, we watch TV while we eat. And yes the dining room is very noisy. We laugh and scream infront of the TV. We love TV so much that we even enjoy watching commercials. I have been wondering why nobody gets indigestion. But there are lots of instances that food is spitted out because of too much laughter or talking while eating. Less etiquette more happiness in the round table. But during those meal times our parents would monologue on parenting and values....especially about school. Those were happy memories thanks to our parents. I pray that my husband and I can instill more happy memories to Lil Terra.

We do not have cable at home because we rarely watch TV. We either surf the internet or read a book. Besides, with Lil tornado around you do not own the remote control. While checking my FB I came upon Eat Bulaga, the longest running noontime TV show in my home country. I checked their videos and got the virus of the latest TV fever. 

Meet the new hot couple on TV. Alden + Yaya Dub = AlDub. 

Filipinos love to laugh and watch TV. Imagine watching a comedy TV show while you eat. Pure happiness and contentment for my countrymen and....me. I have watched their videos multiple times. And no I'm not contagious because I'm in America. 

Raising Terra

Hi people! I know it has been awhile. 

Everything is about HER, for HER, by HER, and with HER because I love HER!!! Motherhood. Bloodline. Genetics. Faith. Hope. Love. 

I miss my other babies... my other passion... my projects. All of them are laying on shelves, boxes, and/or drawers. Ideas are written on pads and stored on electronics. My hands are itching to create and restore. 

A big part of my craft room is a playroom so that Little Miss Terra can stay there with me. We both can play and learn together. I think it's more convenient too because I do not trust her being alone especially with Bella (our pretty kitty). 

Raising my daughter changed some part of me. My OCD is half-forgotten. The only time I can clean up is when I don't join her on nap time. Cleaning only works when I clean one room at a time each off-day (which reminds me I'm a full time nurse too). 

Raising my daughter taught me to be more patient. You know you are patient enough when you can control your temper. She will insists on anything and everything and you have to stay firm on your NOs and YESes. My husband and I will play "bad cop, good cop". Oftentimes, he is the bad cop. So she will run to me and I explained to her why Daddy is mad. And when I'm the bad cop, she just could not take it well. It made me feel that I betrayed her. Then after a minute or two she completely  forgot that you scolded her and that she is mad at you. Such innocence and sweetness. 

Raising my daughter is a neverending learning experience. 

Little Miss Terra

It has been ages since I came on-line here. I apologize to my followers in the web. I have been contented on Facebook mobile. I didn't have the time to finish my crafts as well. A pity but I'm not unhappy.

Routines have changed all because of Little Miss Terra, our little angel, my life.

She is 2 months old now. And we are the happiest parents. To whom does she looks like? Her father or me? I guess it's us both. I just couldn't believe that I have conceived a very beautiful and precious baby girl. She is physically perfect. Thank you Lord Jesus. Her cognitive development is also advanced for her age. I think so...well all parents think the same way about their babies. It's your pride and joy because it's your flesh and blood. 

I'll start her milestone journal this weekend. That would be my first project for our little Miss Terra. True....haven't done any crafty or valuable gift for her yet. I've been busy being part of her growth and development. And for me being part of her everyday life is the priority. So let's do this step by step... craft and chitchat. 

I wanted to tell you all about the pregnancy and delivery in detail but I'll just bore you. Let me just tell you this though.... It's all worth it.... the pain. 

I am finally a mother and I'm loving every second of it. 

Cheers to life and cheers to our little Miss Terra.

Life and Death

Good news and bad news. 

We embraced the positive news because it is a gift from God. A gift of life. We found out last June. Yes, yes, yes... I'm pregnant! Families and close friends were informed last July. It took awhile for us to announce it in public. 

First trimester was very hard for me. I experienced nausea nth times a day. I tried my best not to vomit and was kinda successful. I slept all the time and I didn't have the chance to clean the house. Thanks to a wonderful husband and he did everything for me. Of course, food was a problem too. I prefer water all the time because coloured drinks makes me nauseous. I hate junk food and fast foods. I have been fed with soups, bread and rice. I know, Baby D is very choosy... and healthy. Worst part is I can't hold needle and threads. All my projects are left unfinished. 

Second trimester made some changes on my lifestyle too. All because of hormones raging and rising I can see changes on my body and skin. Though my extremities are still slim, baby bump is getting bigger and more visible. I need new uniforms for work. I look like someone who swallowed a soccer ball. Ugh! Still, Mr. D thinks I am the most beautiful and sexiest woman in the world. Ha! 

22 weeks now and I am doing good. Thank God. Baby D started kicking last week. It was soft but it was amazing. My Obstetrician considers me a high risk patient because of my age and because of the miscarriage I had last February. Right now, everything is perfect and normal. Such glory! 

We mourned the negative news even if it was expected. I am still grieving because I was not there. I can not fly because of my pregnancy. 

Last Thursday, my brother e-mailed me and asked me to call my father ASAP. He said the time has come. I called and talked to my terminally ill father for the last time. It was an hour of crying, forgiving, loving, and reminiscing. I promised him that my brothers and I will continue to love and help each other. And that I will stay strong and brave on making decisions as his eldest child. He taught us to live by the rules and respect. And he taught us to honour and love our spouses and raise our children. He wanted to hear all of these before he left us. Then I realized he was waiting for my caring words to bid him goodbye. I instructed him to do this..... "Papa please close your eyes now and try to think of beautiful things. Think of me, my brothers, Mama.... think of those beautiful times of your life, of our lives together as a family... when we were still babies, toddlers, kids.... and please do not forget that we all love you so much. Please do not fight the pain. It will go away soon. Just follow the light. I love you so much."

He closed his eyes after my call. He slept and never woke up. The man who brought me into this world has left early and ready because he knew he did a damn good job raising his children. We finished college and got our degrees. We have great spouses and a family of our own. He may have been a disciplinarian but it taught us life, success and values. 

I have reached my goals in life because of his beliefs on me. And I won't stop making him proud. I love you so much Papang. We know you are in a much happier place now. 

Back on the Web

I have been off-line for 2 months now. I have been very busy at home and I have been sick too. Nothing to worry... about my health. But a lot to worry about my time-management issues. A lot of unexpected surprises and blessings were placed on my lap. I can not just say my graces and thank yous... I have to work on it. Hence, I am still a very busy woman. But I'm not regretting it. 

I wanted to tell everyone about one special good news right now but I still need to zip it. I hope you all understand and won't bombard me with guesses or hint, hint. 

The month of May was a busy slumber for me. I guess I got stuck with the spring fever and spring laziness. Oh, yes! I was lazy. In fact, I still have 3 back orders from my shop. I'm very lucky that my clients are very patient and understanding. Of course, I feel so guilty. Lesson learned, I can not stitch 3 projects at a time for clients. As of now, I will only accept one order at a time... especially now that I have added responsibilities.... which brings me to the month of June. I'll tell you more about it on my next post. 

Meet our new member of the family. Arumi. 

She is a Pitbull. Mr. D and I fell in love with her at first sight. Isn't she adorable? 

This is her now... 2 months old. She grows fast. She can reach the door knob now and oh what trouble she gives Mr. D. He calls her a whirlwind. She can destroy almost everything in his room. 

I would love to show you some of the flowers in our yard that kept me away from the world for awhile. 

These are my favourites last spring. Honey suckle. We have an abundance. Thanks to them we got butterflies around us for the whole spring. 

I got new knock-out roses for my front yard. Red ones! And oh, they grew fast. And you can still see the beauty of our pink antique roses. Loveliness! 

Hurray to the beauty of these wildflower. Black-eyed susan. They flocked stunningly on both corners of our lane. An attraction to and fro our house. They are still around! 

These are 2 finished pieces for my charity stitching. It was already received by a stitcher friend in Canada. She will make it into a quilt for a dear friend of hers who is fighting from breast Cancer. The You Are in My Heart is designed by Ursula Michael. I modified the Hope design by changing the original colours to pink. It was designed by Joan Elliott. 

I honestly miss stitching everyday. 

Have a nice weekend everyone! 

Lovely Finishes

Within a month I finished a handful of beautiful cross stitch pieces and pillows. I'm a happy duck! 

She is my very first Passione Ricamo piece. She is my Little Mermaid. I did not plan to stitch her this year but when I decided to join a Stitch-along (SAL) with some Filipino stitchers, I picked her. It was a really fun stitch which speed-up the piece. Right now she is at Rensel Studio for framing. My first mermaid piece is a treasure for me. 

Here are some close-up photos of her. She hasn't given a name yet. Maybe when she is all framed up and ready for my wall. I enjoyed beading the piece too. Working on a Jobelan fabric is soothing. 

This small piece was a temptation that won my fingers. It's called Blooming Flower by Ursula Michael. It was on May 2012 issue of Cross-Stitch & Needlework magazine. I later found out that it is the first of a series of 4 seasonal flowers. Wow! I can't wait for the other 3. I still need to look for a very nice frame for it so that I can set it on my dining table. 

Finally I have finished this piece for Mr. D's best friend. It was supposed to be a Christmas present. Bad, bad me! Him and hubby are full-pledged gamers. I know I have to make one for Mr. D. too. 

After weeks of stitching, these pillows have a new home. My client was very patient on the long wait for these lovely pillows. The cross-stitch pieces were hand-sewed on the chosen fabrics. I did machine sewing to make them into pillows. It was very easy. 

It makes me feel so good and important when clients repeatedly appreciate my needlework. More so when they show family members and friends my work. Oh, yes I have another order coming because of "word by mouth". 

Because of the lovely outcome of this pillow, I added this as a new listing on my Etsy shop. It's called Fairy Saying Pillow. And I already have an order for this. 

Why do I love cross-stitching? Because of these lovely pieces. It makes other people happy and it makes me proud. Pure needlework, pure love. 

Happy weekend everyone! 

First Blooms

I am enjoying the beautiful weather outside on my front porch. Reading e-mails and paying bills. The touch of the wind on my skin is so refreshing. I wish it stays this way. Surrounded by our big trees and old shrubs, the smell of the newly mowed grass is so uplifting. Indulgence! 

She is the first one to bloom in my yard. In a couple of days this rose shrub will be flooded with bright pinks. I was expecting an old rose but it's still asleep. 

Our mermaid tears are also blooming gracefully by the driveway. 

Last week, we went flower shopping. It was so much fun. We are still looking for more flowers so we are going back to the nursery or Lowe's next week. For now, we are still busy potting them. 

We got new ones for this year. Bought them from Home Depot, Lowe's, and WalMart. 

This bright purples is called, "African Daisy". Stunning! 

This matrix red lily is called, "Asiatic Lily". I wonder where in Asia. So dainty! Her bloom lasted for 3 days. Cool!

Because of the success of my pink Hibiscus last year, I bought another one and this time it's colored orange. I fell in love with it too. My old hibiscus survived the winter because I kept it inside the house. Now it's back outside.... growing new leaves and hopefully soon buds. 

On the other end of my front porch stands some new peonies. They were lovely last year too. 

Mr. D planted a variety of flowers near my craft room window so that I can see them. I got electric blue sage, lavender, verbena, and celosia. I told him they look crowded but he insisted it's fine. I hope I'm wrong. 

After all the flowers are potted and settled, we are going to work on our vegetable garden. Hopefully, my herb seed bed will be successful this year. 

Enjoy the sun everyone!